La mer
Qu'on voit danser le long des golfes clairs
A des reflets d'argent
La mer
Des reflets changeants
Sous la pluie
La mer
Au ciel d'été confond
Ses blancs moutons
Avec les anges si purs
La mer bergère d'azur
Infinie
Voyez
Près des étangs
Ces grands roseaux mouillés
Voyez
Ces oiseaux blancs
Et ces maisons rouillées
La mer
Les a bercés
Le long des golfes clairs
Et d'une chanson d'amour
La mer
A bercé mon coeur pour la vie

How can you live in a Paradise where it's sunny all year round and not think of The Sea?

J'aime la mer et tout le bonheur qu'elle a les moyens!

My heart still lies heavily in an uncaring manner, sprawled all over like a spoiled brat refused of a hearty treat.

The Cyberian Breeze has finally left the islands after it has conveniently sweeped through us with its delicious frosty delight. I sigh and I pout begrudgingly over the scorching heat and the thick blanket of dust threatening to suffocate me.

I swear I wasn't always like this.

I can remember the time when I loved warm summer breeze and dusty fingers and toes meant that I had my share of summer fun. I don't ever recall people being so stuffy and concerned about how "darker" they've become. Who cared about skin color when everybody else was having fun? Tan lines weren't a fashion then but rather, a sensible lifestyle that naturally looked divine.

Whatever happened to afternoon naps lulled by the constant whirring of electric fans? Or to the hearty innocent laughter of children playing in the streets ringing like the mystic chimes of time? Whatever happened to baseball and hide and seek? To skipping ropes and tag?

Whatever happened to them and as well I wonder, whatever happened to me?  Have I become bored and stuffy I scared even Peter Pan away? Why is it that I can hardly feel the magic? A wind would slap my face and I'd though, "Oh, no! I'm melting! My glorious make-up!"  Pish.

I long for the old days. Days when my only obligation to life is to have fun. Oh, I remember well when the days smelled of the glorious sun and everything seemed brighter and enchanting. People would bathe in laugher and everything was priceless. The children didn't need expensive video games to amuse themselves with. They were a lot creative and smarter then. Boredom was a thing unheard of and sadness was a crime.

It does seem like things were a whole lot better then but I'd be completely missing the point of I continue to bask in the memories of the grand yesteryears and be too caught up in their charm that I end up forgetting I am still constantly blessed of the now (that's why it's called the present).

The sun is still passionately golden and yet, I still could hear laughter (though scarce and faint they may be now). Perhaps, I have outgrown my childish innocence but far be it from ingratitude to say that I have been granted a lover's soul and a dreamer's eyes.

I must make enough summer memories to last me a blissful lifetime.

4 jobs I’ve had in my life –

Library Assistant
Technical Support Representative
Transaction Agent
Writer

4 movies I could watch over and over –

The Shawshank Redemption
Waterworld
The Mirror has Two Faces
Music from the Other Room

4 places I have lived  –

Hawaiian Central
Dumaguete City
Bacolod City
Silay City

4 tv shows I love to watch  –

Greys Anatomy
Prison Break
Ghost Whisperer
X-files

4 websites I visit daily  –

 The superficial
Online journals of friends with contents worth reading
Cracked
Networking/community sites (friendster, myspace, facebook, tickle)

4 of my favorite foods  –

Filipino  Foods
Pastries
Baked Scallops with bacon bits, cheese and spinach
Pizzas

4 places I would rather be right now  –

Anywhere with  Frank and friends
Dumaguete
Lush French countryside
New Zealand/Australia
 
4 things I most deplore in others –

Rudeness/Arrogance
know-it-all attitude
Jealousy/Envy
Irresponsibility/Stupidity

4 traits I most deplore in myself  –

Sarcasm
Laziness
Sensitivity
Impatience
 
4 words/phrases I overuse  –

Shit!
Shut up!
Hell!
Bwahaha

4 people who have made a difference in my life –

My parents,  for her strength, wit and dedication/for his love, legacy of faith and sacrifice
Frank, for his patience, love, understanding and loyalty.
Friends whose lives helped me write the pages of my life with their love, support, acceptance, and understanding.
Steven Curtis Chapman, for his ministry, his life's testimony and for sharing his gift of music and grace
 

4 things I most value in my friends –

Honestly
Sincerity
Trust/Loyalty
Understanding/Acceptance

4 things I’d like to learn –

Play drums and guitar
Living each moment as if it's my last five minutes
Be patient.
Be forgiving.

4 people I’m tagging –

Frank
Rufus
Jacq
Shing

Possibly, the most important right we all are trying to preserve and fight for is the right of choices. Basically, everything comes down to it. We define ourselves by the decisions we choose. Our sense of making choices is like the rudder to our boats. It directly affects our destination and disposition.

We all have somehow, in our own minds labeled ourselves to be this and/or that. We pick out certain characteristics we want to develop into ourselves as a way of getting our own identities and our personalities. We have our desires influencing them and if we're keen, we also develop this safety net where we gauge or check ourselves every now and then. We curb our impulses and we double think decisions we are about to make and we know that often does us the greater good.

Think before you leap. We all know that, right? Well, we all have possibly heard that saying once too many but practicing it is totally another different thing.

Going back to choices, it defines our character and who we are. Perhaps, one of the most trying time in a person's life is to be in between two things most precious to him/her and be made to choose between the both.

I believe that there is enough love for all. I, however, cannot be asked to choose between my love for my GOD and for the person I intend to spend my lifetime with.  I love my God and in a heartbeat, I pick my God over everything and anything.

My God comes first in my life and is the only thing that matters. It would be very wrong if I'd be asked to compare my adoration for my God to my adoration for other things because then, nothing just compares. Before I am a daughter, a sister, a friend and a lover, I am first and foremost a servant of the Master, a redeemed sinner by a graceful Saviour, an adopted child of the Father and an Ambassador for Christ.

I am not saying that I am perfectly all these things. It is only by grace that I can hope and pray to be all these. However, I consciously strive to be more like Christ everyday and reflect the Son.

It's something that he MUST understand in me. I acknowledge that my life's sole purpose is to bring glory to God's name and I couldn't compromise that. That however doesn't mean that I don't love him nor that I don't love him the best way I could.

I constantly struggle with life and I fight with all of my heart not to conform with the norm. I claw and refuse to embrace the idea of destiny. I do believe in God and that His will be done but I desist the idea that I am nothing more but an aimless leaf that have no stake of my own but rather to wander around wherever time and "destiny" wills me to.

There is a reason why God gave me free will.

I am fighting. I am chasing. I am tired. I am in a battle against my own self and it doesn't matter who wins or loses, I am still going to end up hurting someone. Somehow, things are wrong and I am much confused. I need answers and I need the courage to make a decision and the strength to push through with it and to stick by it.

I feel like something in me has died. This dreamer is tired. The songs I constantly sing out has left me hoarse and yet, I have not received any answers. Have I been singing empty songs? I feel like one of the most important person in my life has decided to turn his back on me and withdraw from me. I don't understand his reasons but I hope he will find the time to grace my life again with his regard.

I am broken and soiled, discouraged and hurt but I still feel God's love and His promise of deliverance still holds true (HE is risen!!!). I live in paradise and I have friends made kindred hearts.

Feeling a lot better than I did two days ago but still sick, nonetheless.

The pain has decreased much and the wretched disgusting rejection of the food I try to take has stopped (yessum, paint your imaginations ghastly) but I am still very weak with a massive headache.

Dehydration sucks.

I've been irritable much today and thank the blessed heavens I've managed not to bite some incompetent idiot's head off.

On the brighter side of life, I get a job interview tomorrow. I'm not worried about it. I'm just anxious to see how much they're going offer me. I hope they're going to make it worth my while tomorrow. All that dressing up and early morning rituals (make-up and such, silly boys).

Now, if I was any other person, I'd say "wish me luck!" but because I'm not, I won't. I don't believe in luck.

Neither should you.

Oh, I don't know. Why not trust luck?

Aside from bad manners, there's one thing that really irks me from back of beyond to annoyance avenue and that is TERRIBLE SPELLING!!!

I can laugh and bat my eyelashes when I hear some monstrosity of an excuse for an English phrase coming from a  person  from a non-English speaking  country but from someone who  talks, bath, hear, eat, sleep, fart, piss, shit and speak English on a daily basis, just what the FUCK is your excuse?!

What's the use of attending schools? What's the use of reading books? What's the use of those goddamn brain cells?!!!

I can understand typographical errors. Hell, I know the world's not a perfect place. But the appalling impertinence of creating some sort of quiz saying "How good at spelling are you?" and then luring pathetic insanely particular perfectionists such as I to waste my time on your so-called quiz expecting an egotistical praise of 100% for a score only to be brought crashing down by a merely 50% is just beyond my patience.

A measly 50%?! *panics* Woah...something's wrong. I know I spelled them all correctly. I was so ashamed people will see my score I hastily clicked on the "Re-take the test" link. And so I did. 50% still. *WTF?!!!* So I took the test again...and again...and again until I gave up and said to myself, "This is just stupid. I feel like an idiot already." So I scrolled down and saw the key answers the author provided.

*the Bold words are my answer and the Italicized words are the ones the author thought to be correct.

Correct spelling is:
Correct: facetious
faceeshusfacetius

Correct spelling is:
mutillated
Correct: mutilated
muitilated

Correct spelling is:
Correct:hypocrite
hypocrithippocrite

Correct spelling is:
Correct: emaciated
emaceeatedemmaciated

Correct spelling is:
Correct:antidisestablishmentarianism
antidisestablishmenterianism
antidisestablishmentarianizm

Incorrect spelling is:
Incorrect: definition
deffinition

Incorrect spelling is:
Incorrect: approximately
aproximaetly

Incorrect spelling is:
Incorrect: calibration
callibrashun (SERIOUSLY, WTF ...SHUN?!!!!)

Incorrect spelling is:
Incorrect: modules
modeules

Incorrect spelling is:
Incorrect: assistant
assisstant

The nerve to tell me to study up, skim through a dictionary and introduce myself to a certain dude called Mr Oxford....

Asswipe!

I have heard the line, "Live a life without regrets." for so many times and I have agreed with it for so long now without really thinking about it. I've agreed with it for years but not today. No, not now. Not now when I am flooded with all these things I have desperately tried to forget.

What is so wrong with regrets? According to dictionary.com, regret is a feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different. And so I ask again, what is so wrong with regrets?

If regret is the feeling we get for not being satisfied with what's happened, does that mean to say that we should lead a careless and unreflective life? If so, then we'll never learn from our mistakes and we will never ponder on how to make things better the next time, if give the grace of a second chance.

I know that the saying probably means the same thing with "No use crying over spilled milk." but I'm thinking it's rather very cavalier for someone to go on a life with purely no regrets. Picture this: Little brother broke your mobile phone so you get pissed off and you slapped him a bit too hard and yelled something very degrading in the height of your rage. After a while, you calmed down and realized you've been too harsh. Do you feel remorse? Regret? Yes? But the saying states to live a life without regrets so you brush off the tugging feeling and justify your guilt by telling yourself, "Oh, the little bugger deserved it. A little discipline will do him good."

A life with no regrets. What a load of bull.

- I regret not waiting.
- I regret not paying attention.
- I regret being impulsive.
- I regret being insensitive.
- I regret for acting so slow.
- I regret lying.
- I regret [wasting] time with you.
- I [sometimes] regret forgiving [you].
- I regret yesterday[s].
- I regret I love[d] you.
- I regret stupidity.
- I regret weakness.
- I regret gutlessness.
- I regret songless nights.
- I regret forgotten memories.
- I regret indecisiveness.
- I regret.

Do you ever regret about me? Did you? I hope you did and I hope you do.

__________
* picture not mine.

The world needs more love letters.

I'll let you all guess if this was written based from a real life heart break or merely just fictional. *winks*



Beloved,

I have become a master story teller, weaving fantasies of you intricately into my web of dreams every night. I have time and again solved the herculean maze of the forever jarring unfolding of these fantasies and before the first breath of sunlight could kiss the eyes of dawn, I'd be in the possession of your arms, where home is just a fraction of a heart-beat away. Though you elude me and have hidden your presence from me, thoughts of you still bring me hope and assurance that everyday is a day closer to forever.

I still hope for you with every breath I take. I still long for you with every beat of my heart. Your words still ring true to me and I still hearken to their promise of bliss. Your memory still warms my heart and prevents the icicles of frustration and vagueness to grow and inhabit in me.

You, in just the form of distant ambiguous memories still can shatter the defenses I've built and have surrounded myself with. With just few guarded words uttered in absolute care, you still see right through me. You just know what to say to keep me forever anticipating for you, thoughts heavily pregnant with hopes.

You once said that I am the "something" that you've been searching for and now that you've found me, you'd never want to ever let me go. That all you want to do is hold me tight to yourself and never let go of  forever. Forever. Forever is so close but somehow seems like several worlds away.

Yours Alone.

I believe in paradise. I believe in justice. I believe in heaven and in peace, in soul mates and in hope. I believe in a guileless love and in an intimacy without malice. I believe in fleeting gilded happiness and in deathless childhood dreams. I believe in the magic a smile can spark and the fulfillment a touch can give. I believe in compassion and in kindness and in fervent prayers. I believe in a loving Father, a Holy counsel Spirit and a Saviour Son all in GOD, as one. I believe in dignity and honor, in grace and forgiveness, in mercy and goodwill. I believe in innocence, in fairness and in second chances. I believe in the healing a good cry and a rainy night can afford and as much as the intoxicating relief a sunny day galore can bestow. I believe in friendship and in hot delicious coffees, in shimmering sunsets and a stroll down the boulevard. I believe in impulsive drives to endless fields of dendritic burst and in childish gregarious laughs. I believe in the unfeigned chase of the constant crashing waves to the naive feat of outrunning the clouds. I believe in childhood and in memories, in storybook lines and in happily ever afters. I believe in goodness and in love. I believe in honesty and in virtue. I believe in miracles.

I believe in a lot of good things.That may make me seem gullible and silly. Childish and naive, the most. That may make me appear like I live in a "bubble world" where my candor stack up these bricks of beliefs as a wall to hide me from the harsh realities of life but at least I know what I want and what I believe in.

And I can say that at my worst, I still believed in all the things that gives one the reason to live.