The rapid churning of thoughts inside my head often times overwhelm me to the point of exhaustion and frustration. I can never keep up with these bullet-like ideas whirring past me in neck-breaking speed. I can only grasp so much and it annoys me (mostly these days, all the more) that they always manage to escape me before I can bottle them all down. So many lost ideas to balance the ever-stacking weight of the many lost dreams.

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Regrets, oh, I have them. I don't care about other people's, though. Each of us have enough demons to fend off without having to throw blame and meddling at each other. I know the feeling too well of wishing against hopeless past, if only tears can undo what has already been done. But have we ever dared wonder what life would be like without regrets? What would we be like without remorse? I know they're not exactly the same thing but they can be, too, sometimes.


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And what good is pride, really? More often than we'd like to accept, it has cost us dear and precious relations, wounding loves too deep beyond mending. We always let it get the best of us. It makes us gamble what we cannot afford to lose. But despite the very poisonous nature of it, sometimes, on some very rare times, it can be our only saving grace. Saving us from our supposed better judgements. Saving us from ourselves.


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If we allow ourselves to grow up, to grow out from beyond the selfish and shallow confines we have caged ourselves into, we realize that leaving is also a two way street. That despite abandon, unless we decide to turn our backs and leave, too, we haven't really been left behind. We haven't really been forgotten. Unless we leave, too. Unless we also forget. 


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I think that we are constantly being given the life that is much better than we deserve. But we complicate things anyway. We love to throw away our gifts and strain our necks into craning over to see what the other has gotten and we think we've been cheated of a jockpot. Never mind that we also see them craning their necks envying what we've got in ours. Stop thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. Your grass would be green too, if you spend as much time watering it as you do covetting what's not yours.

Okay, so if you know me, really know me, you'd also know that I am terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE at accepting complements. I could never just say thank-you gracefully. I do the most stupid things when I'm complimented. I feel like I'm sucked out from my skin and I start fidgeting like a silly goose, all red in the face with an anxious look in the face. Really!!!

So, I still get embarrassed when the man tells me I am beautiful and I blush uncontrollably. And I get double embarrassed because of that. 

The man constantly tells me I am beautiful but I am too silly a goose to appreciate them fully, especially during the exact times he'd tell me. But on lucid, semi-sane moments like now, I really do appreciate and cherish the fact that he adores me beyond everything silly and shallow. He never gets mad at me, even though I am so despicable and deserving much of it. He is forever patient with me. He's open to my every suggestions and ideas and is a good listener. He makes me feel secure and wanted, and he even takes the blame for things I clearly know are of my doing and fault (this is crazy, I know!) He's shown me beyond sanity (and better judgment LOL) and I am perfect in his eyes.

But by far, the sweetest thing he's ever told me was, "I don't think I have been loved as much as you love me."