I am excited to see her again. It has been exactly two years since we last met and this time, she's visiting my sugar laden shores. A lot has changed with her and I am taking this chance to see her again before she move on to conquer another mountain, before she blaze another trail.

Things are well again and as always, I have this silly grin plastered on my face.

--- * ---

Today, I have come to gather the courage to face the death of another dream. I am not broken-hearted, amazingly enough, I feel no pain. Perhaps I have grieved for this death long enough and now is the time to move on.

Sometimes, the winds of change brings along with them seeds of possible relationships. People who touch us and we let them grow into the soils of our hearts. But although love is too grand, we still need to choose wisely on who we let grow in our hearts. we are but mere humans, feeble and can be emotionally depleted and if we want to be there and last for the ones we love [that really does matter], we have to choose.

Some seeds grow only to hurt us, their roots constricting our hearts, choking us until we're all too parched up to give anything more. The problems come when we too, are so enamored by this creature that the thought of uprooting it causes us pain. Some of us doesn't appreciate ourselves enough to know that we should only love the ones who love us back. So we allow it to grow and cause us misery until the time comes that we all sucked out of anything we turn into stones, jaded and spent.

I am in a way, happy that I chose to uproot you. I grieved for you in more ways you can imagine and deserve. I saw you slowly die, withering away but what can you have me do? I still have people I love and want to be with and in turn, loves me back the way I deserve to be and I cannot pick an oblivious death over a blessed life.

--- * ---

Love is too grand, I don't think we could ever contain it, even if we tried. It can overwhelm our reasons and doesn't play by any natural laws we try to restrict upon it. We cannot box it up and say that's that. It's so fluid, it moves like the ocean. Sometimes you think it's gone and then it comes crashing over you, drowning you.

I still have the letters of yesterdays that are now seemingly remnants of a fragrant dream. They now start to stain, the edges dull and permanently creased. They look rather beautiful, actually. Every now and then, I love to trace my fingers along the thick folds of the envelope that holds the secret of a thousand dream that's died.

On some crazy rainy days, I love to spill them all in a wild array of tear soaked confetti and lavish in the secret rapture that I alone, for a time, held the  throne of your heart. And the selfish bliss that is peddled by the knowledge that you cried and bled for me, too. We were beautiful and we had gilded dreams together.

But as all forces must come into balance, our amity blinded us to the folly of love, ever thinking that it is fair. You are still a stubborn pig and I hate you for loving me less. I don't blame myself for ever thinking that what you can give me is never good enough because even during the times where you loved me the most, you never did give me the love I know I deserved.

Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to dance alone in a song that's meant for lovers? A song that's been birthed and will die a myth.

I have finally found myself in the course of chasing after the wind of the impossible you. I am glad you happened and much more so, I am glad that we're past this. I am glad that there's still and us.

Someday, I will tell my story. My story with you in it. But as well as with him. I am truly blessed. I would only be so proud to say I had two great loves in my life.

But only, you are not my destiny.

There are celebrations that amazingly could not be defined by words. You are one of them, my Love. And together, we too, are one of them. I am constantly rendered speechless. Nothing too grand, an ebb and flow of candidness. A life of ordinary, a tale of two lovers, the entwined sighs of halves, broken yet, harmoniously laced together.

You are like my happy pill and I am constantly addicted to you.

I have noticed long ago that I tend to write better when I am sad or lonely. That when happy, I lose my sense in words. And before, I have mourned for my happiness because I hated to be robbed off of words but now, I don't care at all.

You must be the one great love of my life because for you, I'll gladly stop writing and be swallowed in the cocoon of our blissful little world.

I wasn't lying when I said I've never loved someone as much as I love you. I am a romantic person and a silly one at that, most of the times. When I loved in the past, I did love greatly. But be not overwhelmed by the shadows they cast for they are just that. They are now shadows because of you. Where once they engulfed me in the dark belly of their pain, you shone and came through, obliterating their judgment and fear.

And I love you.

I see you everyday in the corner of my eyes. I inhale the scent of you in the randomness of places and people. And when I do, I choke and I remember how lonely I am without you. I miss you.

When will I see you again?

I remember the time your heart left the Emerald Isle and your smile fluttered upon my sugar laden Pacific shore, I caught my breath on my throat and my heart was suddenly rendered feeble, too fragle to take another beat. I thought I would die, like an invisible hand was gripping my chest but suddenly, your name escaped my lips so naturally, it sprang from me like fresh clean water gush out from springs. And when we touched, it felt so candid and innate, like the feeling of a soft lullaby carressing  the tender cheeks of a sleeping babe.

Now this nostalgia of how we were is so great I find myself thinking of you all my waking hours, branding your memory into my being and breathing your name in my sleep.

My lips still remember how you felt like, my skin remembers how your hot breath feels like and my whole being tingles with how it felt like to be in your arms, to hear you whisper to me that you love me. To be away from you is torture. To know that you're unbearably near yet impossibly far is beyond patience and desire.

Oh, but to know that every sunset to  leave me anticipating is one step to the dawn of bliss of when we're together again. It won't be too long now, when your sun will once again shine upon these longing shores and when finally I'll leave my caramel glaced isle and soar my way to your arms.

sunset veiled by sugar canes
Talisay City, Negros Island
Philippines

"..after taking every detour
getting lost in losing track
so that even if I wanted
I could not find my way back
after driving out the memories
of the way things might have been
and after I'd forgotten all about us
the Song remembers when.."
~*~
(The Song Remembers When - Trisha Yearwood)