"Am I one of them?"
"No. You're not entirely there, yet."
"Okay, good."

But you are absolutely the reason why I said what I did which made you ask that and yet, I cannot have the guts to tell you. I wish I'm mean and brave enough to crush you and hurt you the way you do me.


"..coated with adoration? What do you mean?"
"You ask that as if you don't know me."

But it was then that I realized that indeed, you don't know me at all. How could you not?


"You're an idealist, just like me."
"Such a tragedy, huh?"

I don't think we're the same. We are completely different types of idealists. For one, I don't purposely hurt the people I love and who loves me with stupid and convenient reasons like, "She deserves someone better than me." Yes, she does and I pity her for it but she also truly loves you and I believe that love  alone can make the unworthy worthy. Why must you spend all your energy proving her wrong instead loving her back the way she deserves to be loved back?

Thin love is no love at all.

*A postsecret.*

if you walk away
then I'll walk away too
i wont remain
if you should ever decide
to part
I will not settle
I will not doubt
walk away and then you'll see

forget
and i shall remember nothing
throw away
and I will not deter
Ignore
and I shall burn
ever ounce of fiber
every string of anything
nothing remains
all is absolute

do not
for a moment
think that you own me
for although thoughts of you
are etched in my mind
your name branded on my skin
i can just as easily shake you off

I will scrape my body if i have to
i will have my wings clipped
i will grow them back
and surely
i can grow myself new skin

so don't you dare
think you can ignore me
that i am at your disposal
for you are a typical fool
and a blissful ignorant
at that

you don't threaten me
for I have already
died a dreamer's death
and for whatever that still binds us now
it can be easily broken

          and remorse?

                    it died along with me
                       when i first bled
                              for you


djf
09/22/08
08:56pm

*picture NOT mine.

How do you comfort someone who is going through pain you can only dare to imagine? How do you answer questions you yourself have asked for a lifetime? How do you make someone understand a logic braced by faith when logic alone doesn't make sense? How can you shelter a heart that's selflessly dying to save others from pain?

There are times when the mind and the heart goes hand in hand. But when circumstances dives to extreme and the heart drops to the abyss of grief, the mind tries to make sense of what is mad and in attempt to hold reason together, it snaps and you'd be amazed at how fast a human's defense mechanism takes over. Overnight, a new man emerges and you gasp in blatant disbelief on how both extreme personalities could possibly co-exist in one body.

I know he's still in there. Deep down, probably tired and weary, resting along with the questions that deafens and are left unanswered. I believe that with enough patience, prayers and constant love, I will get to see the blessed day he'll come back again.

When words of comfort and promises of understanding and love fall to deaf ears, what do you do? When nothing is good enough and things doesn't make sense, how will you live? When madness reigns, turning friends to enemies, sending paranoia to hunt you down, how do you go back to who you once were?

How do you forget a memory too big a milestone, it killed everything that's good? How do you start being a person after the soul's died? How do you suppose to know love after love's fled away.

What's left is a hallow and tired shell of a tragic yesterday. The broken and dry image of what once was is a bitter reflection of how dreams are when they die. Blind and senseless eyes stare back in mocking desperation. Perhaps, a remembrance of a distant longing of a distant life.

I've always believed that I was born an optimist but was forced into becoming a pessimist because of the people I have the displeasure of meeting in my life.

The more people I meet, the more convinced I become that people are undeniably and naturally evil. That doesn't mean I don't believe in good intentions or in hope and innocence. I still do but damn it, people are remarkably brimming with stupidity AND SELFISHNESS!

Friendship, like any other relationship, is supposed to be a give and take - it's a two-way street! I know that friends are supposed to be forever and always (and all that jazz) but I am truly tired and my life isn't exactly a walk in the park.

To every rule, they say, there is an exception. It takes two to tango, they say but I, however, believe that it takes JUST ONE person to put a foot down and stop the dance altogether. Just like any seemingly flawless system, there will always be a crack that no one sees until it's seen. What do you do when you fall into that crack? There were no contingency plans made because nobody thought an error such as that could possibly exist.

Oh, you are one selfish bastard. So damn selfish, your sense of egocentrism is beyond me.

Why do you always find yourself alone and abandoned, you ask? You are a HARD person to love. You're like a quicksand. Nothing's ever enough and everything must come your way. It's always about you. It's a surprise scientists still haven't figured out that everything revolves around you.

Take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. I bet you even wouldn't be able to live with yourself.

Poor, pathetic, greedy soul. Is it cold?