As I grow older and by God's grace, more mature, I come to realize that it is our choices that make or break us. That we carve our own destiny and we man our own ships. And with fervent prayer and faith in God, we can let go and let God.

These are excerpts from Max Lucado's book called Grace for the Moment. I feel truly blessed when I read them and feel inclined so to share them. Enjoy and be blessed!

---

It's quiet. It's early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.

In a few moments, the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.

I CHOOSE LOVE ...
No action justifies hatred;
no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love.
Today I will love God and what God loves.


I CHOOSE JOY...
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.
I will refuse the temptation to be cynical...
the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see
people as anything less than human beings,
created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as
anything less than an opportunity to see God.


I CHOOSE PEACE...    
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.


I CHOOSE PATIENCE...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world.
Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll
invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the
wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment
to pray.Instead of clinching my fist at new
assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.


I CHOOSE KINDNESS...    
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone.
Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to
the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.


I CHOOSE GOODNESS...
I will go without a dollar
before I take a dishonest one. I will be overloaded
before I will boast. I will confess before I will
accuse. I choose goodness.


I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS...
Today I will keep my promises.
My debtors will not regret their trust. My associations
will not question my word. My wife will not
question my love. And my children will never fear
that their father will not come home.


I CHOOSE GENTLENESS...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer.
If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.


I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL...
I am a spiritual being...
After this body is dead, my spirit will soar.
I refuse to let what will not, rule the eternal.
I choose self control. I will be drunk only by joy.
I will be impassioned only by my faith.
I will be influenced only by God.
I will be taught only by Christ.
I choose self-control.


Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
To these I commit my day.
If I succeed, I will give thanks.
If I fail, I will seek His grace.
And then, when this day is done,
I will place my head on my pillow
and rest.


---
Grace for the Moment
Max Lucado

I don't want to see you. The fact that you are insensitive just clashes with my hyper sensitivity. I still sometimes get the blues trying to understand how we could be so different from each other when there is the unspoken language that only both of us understand to bind us. I still don't get it. And on some honest jaded days, I get to contemplate that maybe I won't ever will. Just as you won't ever understand why nothing is ever good enough for you.

What am I to you?

I simply refuse to believe that one would just forget about the existence of something supposedly important in one's life and then after a gulf of oblivion, one suddenly remembers. What do you want from me, this time? I cannot bleed for your wounds and be discarded like trash the moment you feel better. Time and time again. I'm sorry but unlike you, I have trouble getting over something I've invested my heart into.

So. no. Don't come. I don't want to see you. Live your life now like I am living mine. I am happy for you and I truly hope you will find contentment this time. Don't go running after the wind hoping to come to a full stop.

I hate you for making me wish that it was I who made the difference.

if you walk away
then I'll walk away too
i wont remain
if you should ever decide
to part
I will not settle
I will not doubt
walk away and then you'll see

forget
and i shall remember nothing
throw away
and I will not deter
Ignore
and I shall burn
ever ounce of fiber
every string of anything
nothing remains
all is absolute

do not
for a moment
think that you own me
for although thoughts of you
are etched in my mind
your name branded on my skin
i can just as easily shake you off

I will scrape my body if i have to
i will have my wings clipped
i will grow them back
and surely
i can grow myself new skin

so don't you dare
think you can ignore me
that i am at your disposal
for you are a typical fool
and a blissful ignorant
at that

you don't threaten me
for I have already
died a dreamer's death
and for whatever that still binds us now
it can be easily broken

          and remorse?

                    it died along with me
                       when i first bled
                              for you


djf
09/22/08
08:56pm

*picture NOT mine.

I had Eva Longoria's hair.

I had Halle Berry's hair.

I had Jeniffer Aniston's hair.

I had Jeniffer Lopez's hair.

I had Nicole Ritchie's hair.

I had Rihanna's hair.

...AND

if I had JLo's hair, blue eyes and I'm wearing this kind of glasses. A totally different me. Actually, not me at all. Hahaha.

I can also get away with brown hair and green eyes. Haha.

BUT

this is the original me. And look! My body's actually facing sideways while my head is turned in front to look at the camera. Hah!

I'm actually very bored. My sister introduced me to www.ivillage.com last night and there's this feature where you can get a virtual "make-over". It's very amusing.

If you're bored like I am now or perhaps you are itching to get a new hairstyle, this is a good site to visit. At least now I know how I'd look like should I get those exactly same hairstyles. That and if I live in a salon (we all know how our hair all look perfect after we've stepped out of the salon but come the next day, we feel as if our hair's been stolen by a jealous hairstyle Grinch...but that's a whole new topic in itself).

Here's what you should do if you're interested.
   *go to www.ivillage.com
   *scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on Beauty and style
   *on the left side margin of the page, under category Hot Stuff, click on the link that says Get a free make-over online and you're good to go. (Note: you need to register as a member [for free] to be able to upload your own photo.)

ENJOY.

How do you comfort someone who is going through pain you can only dare to imagine? How do you answer questions you yourself have asked for a lifetime? How do you make someone understand a logic braced by faith when logic alone doesn't make sense? How can you shelter a heart that's selflessly dying to save others from pain?

There are times when the mind and the heart goes hand in hand. But when circumstances dives to extreme and the heart drops to the abyss of grief, the mind tries to make sense of what is mad and in attempt to hold reason together, it snaps and you'd be amazed at how fast a human's defense mechanism takes over. Overnight, a new man emerges and you gasp in blatant disbelief on how both extreme personalities could possibly co-exist in one body.

I know he's still in there. Deep down, probably tired and weary, resting along with the questions that deafens and are left unanswered. I believe that with enough patience, prayers and constant love, I will get to see the blessed day he'll come back again.

When words of comfort and promises of understanding and love fall to deaf ears, what do you do? When nothing is good enough and things doesn't make sense, how will you live? When madness reigns, turning friends to enemies, sending paranoia to hunt you down, how do you go back to who you once were?

How do you forget a memory too big a milestone, it killed everything that's good? How do you start being a person after the soul's died? How do you suppose to know love after love's fled away.

What's left is a hallow and tired shell of a tragic yesterday. The broken and dry image of what once was is a bitter reflection of how dreams are when they die. Blind and senseless eyes stare back in mocking desperation. Perhaps, a remembrance of a distant longing of a distant life.

It's been quite a while since I last wrote some thoughts here. So many things happened and so many things changed. I guess we all go through phases in our lives where we need to change but we don't know what. We struggle to keep whatever it is in ourselves that we think makes us worthwhile and then we try to sort out the things in us we think we need to change. But then there are elements around us that affects us in a way that we can't help. Before we know it, we're all different persons from what we expected and thought us to be. The changes are often left unnoticed until the time comes that we had to make an important decision that we realized we're not who we were used to be.

I have read somewhere that the most profound questions are the simple ones. Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What are you doing? These are simple questions we often take for granted but see how your answers change along with time.

During my break from the cyberworld, I finally owned up to my promise to clean my book shelf. I got rid of old notebooks I've been hoarding since forever and I was able to see some old journals. Old love letters and old contracts to self left me both triumphant and heartbroken.I am amazed at how much change has happened and to how different my answers now from about 4 years ago.

THEN:

Where were you born?
-I was born in Bacolod.

Where is your home?
-My home is in Dumaguete. Somehow, I don't belong where my family is. Alone, I have found belongingness in Dumaguete.

Where are you going?
-I am going away. To a place people don't know me and to where I've never been to, before.

What are you doing?
-I am making myself finish this course - unwillingly for the sake of my family.

NOW:

Where were you born?
-I was born in Paradise, in a sunset kissed sugar-laden shore.

Where is your home?
-My home is with my love. I don't belong anywhere else but with him, where I am truly myself. Wherever he is, I will belong.

Where are you going?
-I am going away. Each sunset is a passing promise that I am a day closer to the embrace of togetherness. I will travel with him - he who is the keeper of my heart. I am going to wherever he is.

What are you doing?
-I am doing what I love most - I am writing.