I constantly struggle with life and I fight with all of my heart not to conform with the norm. I claw and refuse to embrace the idea of destiny. I do believe in God and that His will be done but I desist the idea that I am nothing more but an aimless leaf that have no stake of my own but rather to wander around wherever time and "destiny" wills me to.
There is a reason why God gave me free will.
I am fighting. I am chasing. I am tired. I am in a battle against my own self and it doesn't matter who wins or loses, I am still going to end up hurting someone. Somehow, things are wrong and I am much confused. I need answers and I need the courage to make a decision and the strength to push through with it and to stick by it.
I feel like something in me has died. This dreamer is tired. The songs I constantly sing out has left me hoarse and yet, I have not received any answers. Have I been singing empty songs? I feel like one of the most important person in my life has decided to turn his back on me and withdraw from me. I don't understand his reasons but I hope he will find the time to grace my life again with his regard.
I am broken and soiled, discouraged and hurt but I still feel God's love and His promise of deliverance still holds true (HE is risen!!!). I live in paradise and I have friends made kindred hearts.
