Delectable Dee

It rained letters today.

Old dusty letters that have been efficiently packed hidden and stacked from any possible prying eyes. I guess I'm really good at hiding things because I even forgot about them.

I was looking for the pair of my black velvet boots and I thought I stashed it somewhere behind all the other things I cannot remember anymore. You see, on the top self of my cabinet, there are all these plastic bags packed to maximum straining capacity and they've been there so long and there are so much of them I can no longer remember what I've stuffed inside them. I am a self confessed pack-rat. Guilty to the insides of my every bone.

What else would a sentimental love fool to do when she discovers old letters but of course, fall on her knees and eagerly read them all. My sister walked in on me while I was trying to get my hands on to all of them and read them at the same time and she said I looked like I was some obessed tomb raider who've just discovered the core of the answers to ever mystery in life.

They were all love letters. Both from him and from myself. The ones he wrote, they echoed a distant life I once lived. The letters I wrote, the ones I've kept unsent, left me with aching familiarity of how I once loved and lost.

I wish I could say that I don't love him anymore because I still do. I don't love him as I used to and I guess, in a way, I don't love him anymore at all. I still however, love the memory of him. I believe that when you truly loved someone, even after the relationship's ended, one cannot just instantly rid of the emotion like as if it is a light switch one could just flicker on an off in a whim.

When you give your heart to someone, you cannot really take it back. What you can do is forge a new love from the shadow of the lost one. Love is enough for all and cannot be depleted. But that doesn't stop the wrecking havoc of a heartache that follows after a break-up.

I don't know why I kept the letters. Reading them relived the emotions that were. I felt vulnerable and sensitive, naked to every bitter attacks of insecurity and questions that never were answered.

Nevertheless, the incident also gave me the chance to appreciate more the blessing of him, who gave me his all and still is giving more. With his patience, understanding and loyalty, I am never left wanting.

He makes me feel like I am the world to him. He is my personal eternal sunshine and I am constantly wrapped secure in his love and nothing just compares. He loves me to the point of diminishing insecurities and sultry breathlessness.

La vie en rose!

5/16/2008 02:01:50 am

i soo can relate to the feeling of reading love letters. i also keep the love letters given to me by my exes but the recent one, i didn't.i returned it to him coz i might read it and will only break my heart once again.
i can very well relate to your love life. everytime i read your posts, it feels like me talking to myself :)

5/18/2008 01:10:04 am

Hi Dee...
your writing never fails to inspire me.. :) truly.. delectable :)

me and my special someone write letters, the old fashion way. Snail mail across the country, as I have to work away from him (for now). Sometimes when the wind blow heavily and the waves seems to big... i go back to the letters and like you I cannot help but feel that I am the world to him. And with that, it makes me feel im ready to face another day.

2/14/2011 11:23:33 am

In fact, their only hope is a heart inside Hujiaomanchan, coquetry seemed, the children can make mistakes!


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