I have once been told that when drunk, a person is stripped off of all his guards and inhibitions and what they say are mostly what they really feel. Well, isn't that a hoot! And what is it with guys who flirt so blatantly when they're drunk only to turn into brooding bores when they've finally sobered up?
I don't like it when guys I consider to be friends hit up on me and flirt shamelessly at me when they have too much of a drink. That always surprises me and I've never liked surprises. It unsettles me. I find it really bothersome and to an extent, deceiving. Always, that puts a dent in the friendship and because I am the wired-up silly girl I am, I always end up feeling conscious and uneasy.
Firstly, having an issue about my self-worth, I could never handle praise or admiration gracefully and whenever I'm told I am beautiful or worthy of some guy's interest, I always do the most stupid and embarrassing things that usually makes the guy cringe back and think again. I know what I do and I hate it and I hate hating myself. Where is the love, hey?!
Secondly, having said my first reason, that brings us to the problem that instantly develops after said flirting. Guys who, on normal sober state broods and treats me as if I am another guy, turns into a flirting romeo when drunk then turns back into their brooding sober state the next morning shatters whatever dreamy fragile ego that has grown overnight and it is always painful. I always over analyze things and I cannot help it.
Thirdly, I get into an overly analytical zombie mode and I find myself in a frenzied disheveled state trying to make sense of everything. The ruckus inside my brain puts a circus to shame. Really. I always see something to read between the lines that even I, in my better self, is imprisoned inside this craziness and I shout to myself, "You fool, stop it! There's nothing to read there!" But do I stop? Of course not! No sirree! I would think, "Why is he flirting? Is he into me?" Or, "Why are we even friends?! Girls and boys can never be really friends. So...we're not really friends?" Or sometimes, the nastier questions that go like this, " Am I only flirt-worthy when a guy is intoxicated and temporarily mentally handicapped?"
You see, I am not the kindest person to myself. I have so many pent-up issues on myself that would confuse any shrink to bits.
My point is? Well, now that I'm so caught up with my rant, I am quite confused now myself. I don't know. I don't know.
Just that, guys! Please. Be kind to your female friends. You've no idea how unstable some of them can be..as I obviously am. Be kind because more often than not, they are the nastiest critics of themselves. Be kind. Do not drink and flirt. Do not flirt. Do not...especially when you are too damned a coward to finish what you started in an unstable, intoxicated state.