Confused

i am confused
emotions clouding reasons

people
they all try to change me
telling me of the things
i should
and
should not be

when i act with reason
my best isn't good enough
when i move with emotion
i'm often told
i've made the wrong decision

i've painted myself a picture
of another
i've caged myself
in
 a standard of me.
strengthened by mistaken acceptance i sought after
i long to see the day that i'll be free

in a double standard society
where everything's read between the lines
it's hard to stand erect
defend your position
when everybody's out to get you
dragging you
out to all direction.

on late
 quiet nights
when the world is spinning dead
my emotion's numb
my body tired,
with hollow aches pounding on my head
i strain to reach deep sleep
but slumber would just not come
feels like i'm fighting a winless battle
and my senses all loose and undone

i'm falling into a bottomless pit
darkness blinding me
i'm dying to see the new dawn
dying to have a real life of my own

08/14/08
03:11pm
~djf