I sometimes think I'm dumb and I know I still don't understand a lot of things. I don't pretend to play Dr. Phil either on emotional dramas my feeble compassion couldn't wrap itself around on. I also know I'm not good with words when I feel lost and unsure. Perhaps, at times I may seem rude or uncaring when I suddenly fall silent. I wouldn't know what to say, perhaps overwhelmed and confused.
And just like before, I am again stuck in this crack. I have never been able to understand how a friend can stop being happy for another and rather cultivate hate and sow seeds of doubt. Why would anybody do that?
I am aware that I am one of those "easy-to-please" people. I don't think I am complicated when it comes to people reading how I feel. Forgive me for my lack of sophistication but even when I am swimming in my pool of misery, I could not remember me stopping from being happy for my friends, and much more wish them to be unhappy as I am.
I cannot drop my life for you and push everyone away and be miserable too, just to show you how much I feel for you. I am sorry that he was an ass and I am sorry you wasted 2 years waiting for him. I am sorry that I don't know the right words to comfort you more than what I've already said and offered.
Now, it has become more obvious and clear that you were never happy for me. When I was with Mr. Moon, you were contradictory and thought I was too young to know any better. You were "relieved" when things ended and you were mean all throughout my grieving period. Now that I am with someone who truly loves me, you sneer and tell me I'm too young to be somebody's "penguin."
You were selfish of your own happiness and only remembered me when you need to whine. I had thought you to be beautiful. I thought your sense of "reality" was too seasoned for naive little me to ever understand.
Well, I am not sorry for being happy. I am not sorry for loving and most definitely for being loved.
For what's it worth, I still think you are truly beautiful , if you only allow yourself to be.
And for all my apologies, I am most sorry that you have converted to assholism.