I used to believe that things are needed to be spoken or written - wishes, memories, passions and heartbreaks. I have for the longest time, believed that they are therapeutic to my soul. Of course, there was a time that it was...until recently.
Until recently (Read: the last year or so), I have avoided graphically painting my every sighs and blahs with the words I have so loved and adored. I felt like I wanted to just lie down and let things die down. All these stirring emotions, their connections to haunting memories, all the possibilities of their ruining my future and the whirlwind that is disrupting my present - I want them all gone.
I don't want to remember.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if a person can compartmentalize every bit of emotion, every bit of everything that ever is an everything in her life? Joy? Ohh..you should be here, right next to bliss. Ahh, surprises...you should be perfect right in between hapiness and annoyance. Oohh, testy...heartbreak, hrrmm.., I think you should go down at the very bottom and back of everything else..in fact, you should be place well in behind the wall ductaped with guilt and lies, subtitled "selective amnesia".
You get the picture.
I remember you, Dear Moonman. I remember you well. But I don't remember much of the things in between. I remember you too, Dear Beautiful Chaos - I loved you. I don't care anymore, come to think of it. And I also remember you, Dark Darling. You've struggled then, you still struggle now. Your roots have been uprooted and I'd glad you died. Three major heartbreaks - the wing-clippers and dream-crushers. Ironic how you three fill so much of my little frail heart more than every life-supplying happiness and fond memories my feeble life has gathered.
Lost hopes and missed loves. Dusks and deaths. Broken sighs and ashen smiles.
Oh, you tragic beauties.
Silay City, Pilipinas
Hello, blog. It's been ages since I last paid you any due notice. You see, I lately haven't had much of a life worthy of all the goodness beloved words are made of. I have been quite busy, yes, but I have also been whining so much, I've lost count of the things essential and precious.
If the weather isn't too soggy, it is too damned hot. What's up with that?! (<--see what I mean?)
October's been really busy for me. First there was this Missions Conference at GEBS in Ilo-ilo. Came home exhausted and totally in shock of the extreme weather difference (haha, puh-lease as if I was gone for centuries) and with a nasty sore throat, thanks so much for 2 successive sleepless nights with lots of howling and abandoned laugher (maybe mostly on my part? ^_^) over several card games and a plate full of talc powder. Then there was the 18th ICCC
World Congress that was held here in Bacolod half of the time. I wish it could have lasted longer..like maybe weeks more longer. Just without the ridiculous talent portions, ugh! Then of course, there is the annual MassKara Feastival
which overlapped with the ICCC event. I also met Marky
when he came here to experience the MassKara. There there was the bout with the cold and now the Christmas Cantata choir practices.
I am pooped.
I am also excited about Christmas and the tradition reunions.
I am also still keeping secrets. Certain secrets that will be kept until they become forgotten and remain as such.
I miss you. So much.
So damn much.