Delectable Dee
Who is the green-eyed monster?

I have noticed that most people cannot tell the difference between jealousy and envy. Come to think of it, they're pretty much similar with each other. Both are driven by wanting and possessing. However, jealousy can be a good thing whereas envy can never be.

According to the dictionary:

Envy - a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Jealousy - feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages


Not much difference, don't you think? Of course, I don't claim to be the authority on this but this is how I see them and how I tell them apart.

Let's start with ENVY. The dictionary's definition of envy is spot on. I completely agree with it.

The problem with telling these two apart is that most people think both are the same thing. Envy deals with coveting. Coveting, no matter where or how you look at it is simply just wrong.

According to the dictionary, to covet means to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others.

There you go.

Now, let's talk about jealousy. The more I think about these two, the more I am liking jealousy. Calm down, now. Please put the freak back inside the box, slowly. Let's not go to the extremes but take this rationally. I promise, I can be rational.

No need to repeat what the dictionary already said earlier about jealousy. I do, however, have some points to uhm, well...point out.

Jealousy is not just about desiring or wanting to posses but it also is correlated to (this is what most people fail to notice) ownership. Not just wanting to own but rather, having already owned. OWNED.

When a colleague is given the position you have been dying to have, what do you say? "I'm so jealous of her/him!" -=WRONG=- You are not jealous, you never had that position to begin with. You are envious. You want to have what she/he just got. Dig?

When your partner starts spending more time with another woman/man than with you, how do you feel? Do you feel envious? Of course not! Why should you be? You don't need to covet YOUR partner. See how the word your is emphasized?

I'm not saying you OWN your partner as you do with material things. That's another subject for another entry in itself.

Moving on.

When ownership has been claimed and it seemed that due credit or devotion had not been given to you, that's when you feel jealous. When you look at it in that light, jealousy is nothing but a rightful claim. Totally valid.

I know I said that jealousy can be good but only if not taken into extreme measures. C'mon...too much of even the good stuff can still be bad, right? But jealousy in itself is rather good (I'm forever the hopeless romantic). It means you belong to and with someone. You are wanted. Isn't that what the gist of most people's angst, both young ones and the once young?

"For thou shalt worship no other god:
for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:"
Exodus 34:14, KJV

GOD is absolute and everything good, just, holy, love, kind, merciful and overflowing with grace undeserved. If HE is a jealous GOD, surely jealousy can't be a bad thing now, can it?

"Where were you?"

"Oh, I was out doing stuffs. You know, I have been having so many errands to do lately."

He shifted his weight to his right foot and tilted his head to the left the way he does when he's contemplating about important things to decide on; like which ice cream flavor to feast on after lunch.

"What? Stop looking at me like that!"

"These errands you run for people, are they more important to you than I am?"

I let out a loud sigh hoping that he'll get the hint of my exasperation and rolled my eyes, battling with myself if I should get into another argument with him.

I never win, anyway. Neither does he. But in his own little mind, he thinks he does and that makes a world of difference. There lies the seed of    exuberance for every possibility of argument. I can see the mischievous glint in his eyes now. I know what he's up to.

"Come here."

His eyebrows creased together in a frown as he tries to hide his surprise while figuring out what's next to come.


"Don't play dumb with me. You heard me well." I can feel my cheeks flushing and my blood creeping up to my face. Oh, no. He's not going to win this time.

I couldn't help the smile that involuntarily eased into my lips as I see him shift uncomfortably in his feet while desperately trying to delay coming up close to me. He doesn't like surprises and I can tell he's loathing every moment of my impending victory.

About 6 feet away from me, he suddenly stopped dead on his tracks and disarmingly flashed me that impish grin. He hasn't uttered a sound yet but I knew instantly that he'd won. And he knows it. Gloat is painted all over that smug smile across his face.

He shifted his weight again to his right foot and tilted his head to the left and ever so softly said,

In this photo: Kristel Silagpo
Gawahon Eco Park, Victorias City, Neg. Occ.


There are battles that just cannot be won. That no matter how you do it, you'd still end up losing somehow. In some twisted and perverse situations, winning sometimes actually means giving up and letting go.

So you leave the cause that's left you with a burning heart for a thousand nights and let go of the thread-bare hope that's keeping you and your sanity all in one pathetic piece.

The word stalemate leaves a bitter and haunting taste in your mouth. Every memory is a slap to the face. And on some long and lonely nights, it would rain and you'd find yourself drowning in the smothering pitter patter of water on the corroded tin of your roof.

Holding a cup of tear drenched coffee, you drown yourself in the Ethiopic beauty of the world's greatest drug. Charge it to experience, you'd tell yourself in a feeble attempt of comfort.

Love is a stranger. Suddenly, it's all just war now. And you're alone. This is all too familiar now. You begin to fight yourself, starting with the infamous what-ifs. You know you still won't win this time, either.

What a shame.


so i begin this journey
once again
not the road less traveled
this path i take
is well worn to bits
all trodden and hammered to dust

not a whisper of the wind
nor a sigh of the trees
no crumbling ruins
just a massive space
filled with the vacuum
of lost hopes
and shattered souls

and so

i scoured
and asked questions
only the fool understands
and the deaf hears

how can you tell
stupor from pain
when the sphere of the numbness
is amplified to the proportions
of sanity wrecking

and every day
i behold the brilliance
only the blind sees
and i have the comfort
of understanding
from a broken piano
that's played symphonies
for the falling and dying stars
in a measure
that started an octave lower
eight long lost notes
dipped in acid




I have always wondered why the things we strive to forget are the ones that usually haunts us back when we desperately don't need (want) them to. And when they come back, they usually come back with a vengeance, towing along the little tidbits of nonsense that you thought you'd already forgotten.

Staying up alone always gets the best of me. I have opened a faucet and let lose a dam instead. I don't know how to shut it. Can't find the handle either.

Do you think it's broken?
on this hour unnamed
i am suddenly swept
by this force
this longing
stronger than my will
although just a whisper
a tiny speck of days gone by
i have to write about you
at least,
once again
until the will crumbles
beneath the disarming jolts
a distant reflection
a mock
a faded brilliant eye of god
a shooting star
catching for a wild ride
trail blazing for the grave
a mediocre once-upon-a-time
that was robbed
the glamor of
its ever after

yet, nonetheless