i am confused
emotions clouding reasons

people
they all try to change me
telling me of the things
i should
and
should not be

when i act with reason
my best isn't good enough
when i move with emotion
i'm often told
i've made the wrong decision

i've painted myself a picture
of another
i've caged myself
in
 a standard of me.
strengthened by mistaken acceptance i sought after
i long to see the day that i'll be free

in a double standard society
where everything's read between the lines
it's hard to stand erect
defend your position
when everybody's out to get you
dragging you
out to all direction.

on late
 quiet nights
when the world is spinning dead
my emotion's numb
my body tired,
with hollow aches pounding on my head
i strain to reach deep sleep
but slumber would just not come
feels like i'm fighting a winless battle
and my senses all loose and undone

i'm falling into a bottomless pit
darkness blinding me
i'm dying to see the new dawn
dying to have a real life of my own

08/14/08
03:11pm
~djf

With the moon so low
threatening to drop
I see the ebony cloud drape a mantle
over the freckles of light
and I feel the dewy caress of the wind
on my face that's glaced with tears.
I reach out only to sift frigid air
with fingers grarled from hands
clenched tightly into fists of frustrations and pains.
My arms tremble along with each silent sob I take,
my lungs scathed by ashes from yesterday's afterburn.
Darkness is a comfort.
Light has deserted me, perhaps afraid
stung with the shards of my broken cries.
I've no more tears to shed;
perhaps hope is a vanity now.

02/14/05
08:14am
~djf

your romance with heroes
from child-woven laces of dreams
has brought you again crashing
hope-strewn wings clipped
erasing silver-lined memories of tomorrow
turning dreamer into a fool
loving too much
loving too wrong

everytime you lose a losing hero
you retire to your nook of confusion
there you nurse the wounds people don't see
warming your heart with whatever love that's left
struggling to see beyond from today

you love too much too wrong
wrong being love too strong
but then
how can love be wrong?

11/07/05
08:36am
~djf